Lasting longer in bed doesn’t have to be this impossible feat or this thing that puts even more pressure on your performance. It can be achieved by implementing some subtle things into your life (even beyond the bedroom) that can help you last longer and experience more fulfilling sex.
14 Tips: How to Lasting Longer in Bed - For Men
1. Sex doesn’t just mean penetration.
First of all, we can clarify this: sex doesn’t just mean penetration. Yes, penetrative intercourse is important and often how you end up – but foreplay is oh-so-important for both men and women.
Foreplay is both a physical and oftentimes emotional need – it helps us prepare our bodies and minds for sex. Many people need intimacy, connection or some kind of arousal in order to get in the mood for sex, and foreplay is helpful in adding lubrication to the vagina, which is super important for comfortable (and feel-good) lasting longer sex.
2. Masturbation might help you last longer.
While there is no definitive proof this works, many sex experts suggest that masturbation can lead to longer sexual endurance times.
Dr. Evan Goldstein explains in this issue of Men’s Health: “Sometimes ejaculating too quickly is due to the fact that you’re all riled up and haven’t ejaculated recently, which means your prostate is fully engorged. If you masturbate close to when you know you’re going to have sex, you’re essentially having sex a second time, which means it will take longer to climax.”
Of course, you want to make sure the timing isn’t too close together, as it can become difficult for men to climax twice so close together. Depending on how quickly your body “bounces back”, you could masturbate anywhere from the night before to a few hours before your sexual intercourse with a partner in the hopes of improving your endurance during sex.
3. Speaking of “bounce back” times...get to know your refractory period.
What is that? Well, a refractory period is essentially the time after you climax until you feel able and ready to climax again. Everyone has a refractory period, it’s part of the four stages of sexual response (excitement, plateau, orgasm and refractory).
The timing for this cycle is what varies from person to person, and getting to know your own timing can help you take advantage of the refractory period, timing your masturbation and/or sexual activity for a time when you know you will be aroused and be able to lasting longer.
4. Talk about it with your partner.
Having open and honest conversations with your partner(s) about sexual satisfaction can feel very intimidating. Of course, you want to know you’re performing well and you likely want your partner to be happy with the sex you’re having together – and if they aren’t, this can be a bit of a blow to your self-esteem.
But trust me when I say that women will find your effort and openness to be extremely attractive. If you are genuinely interested in her pleasure, this is a huge turn-on for us and you can work together with her to ensure you are both satisfied.
5. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself...sex is supposed to be fun.
The more you worry, the harder it will be (bad pun intended) to keep an erection and sexually satisfy your partner – this is often referred to as performance anxiety.
Performance anxiety is typically caused by negative thoughts about your ability to perform well during sex. These negative thoughts can trigger your body’s stress response which makes it difficult to achieve and maintain an erection.
Some things you can do to lessen lasting longer performance anxiety are:
- Focus more on feeling (sensual touch, physical arousal) than on your thoughts.
- Be open about your sex life with your sexual partner(s) and/or consider speaking with a therapist about your performance anxiety.
- Distract yourself – put on a steamy movie for Netflix & Chill with your lover, listen to music as you engage in foreplay, etc.
6. There are toys for that.
As with most things, there’s a toy that can help. While introducing sex toys into your sex life can feel a bit daunting (especially if you already feel stressed about your lasting longer performance), there are actually sex toys that are designed to prolong and enhance pleasure for everyone involved.
Cock rings: in case you didn’t know, a cock ring is a ring (of course) that is worn around the base of your penis that works to make your erection harder and last longer.
Usually made of flexible silicone or rubber, a cock ring essentially lessens the blood flow to your manhood. You will still get an erection, blood will still be flowing – but just not as much as quickly, meaning it’s more of an even standoff rather than a quick-draw (if you catch my drift.)
Not only will wearing a cock-ring prolong your erection but it can also cause increased sensitivity, which can make everything more pleasurable for you. A bonus? You can purchase vibrating cock rings that add a little extra clitoral stimulation for a female partner.
7. Focus on her pleasure (make her orgasm first).
Something that can help get you out of your own head is not only focusing on the physical sensations you’re feeling but focusing on what your partner is feeling. Focusing on your lover’s satisfaction can help you remain focused and dedicated to helping her achieve orgasm as well.
Honing in on her breathing, her sounds, her movements – all of this can work as wonderful distractions, making you worry less about performing and allowing yourself to lasting longer.
8. Edging is all the rage these days.
Edging is essentially bringing yourself super close to climax (to the edge, you might say) and then deliberately delaying your orgasm. This constant build up and then pause of tension can be a great way to extend your masturbation or intercourse time.
Typically, you do what you do (as you normally would) until you’re close to climax, and then you stop (maybe for a minute, maybe only for a few seconds). This allows your body time to slow down and regain some stamina.
The great thing about edging is that you can do this without necessarily making it super obvious by going at it until the going gets (almost) too good, and then suggesting a position change or stopping to put on a condom. This allows you to slow things down without actually telling your partner you need to slow things down and lasting longer.
Of course, communicating with your partner should always be number one, and telling them you want to slow down should never feel awkward. However, with some situations, all you need are those extra few seconds of position changing or the opening of a condom wrapper to regain the time and energy you need.
9. Speaking of condoms...using a condom can also help.
While condoms may get a bad wrap (bad pun intended, sorry – I couldn’t resist), they are good for more than just protecting against STIs and unplanned pregnancies…they can also help you slow things down a bit, allowing more time for pleasure.
Condoms create an extra “layer” of separation between you and your partner, oftentimes causing the feel-good sensation to feel, well, a little less. You can still have great sex with a condom on and delay your orgasm just long enough for you both to have a great time.
10. Start with simple sex positions and slowly graduate to deeper penetration positions.
Not only will the time between sex positions help you lasting longer, but the actual positions you choose can also help.
You both lay on your sides, facing the same direction – your pelvis should be a bit lower than hers. As she bends forward at the hip, you can guide yourself into her. Some lube will make this process really easy and this particular position still feels great (and really sensual) without involving deep penetration which often leads to climax faster.
This position is similar to spooning but instead of facing away from each other, you face towards each other. The woman lifts her leg over the man’s hip and you get into a position that feels comfortable. Together you can rock and grind your way to sensual bliss.
Sitting on a chair.
It’s simple: you sit on a chair and she rides you. She can either face away from you (as if she’s giving you a lap dance) or she can straddle you with you both facing the same direction. This position is great because it’s super sexy but also allows for little “breaks” during which she can tease you, you can switch places to perform oral sex on her…really, anything is possible here.
11. Manage your breathing.
While most people don’t associate sex with being a mindful experience, it really can be. Incorporating any kind of mindfulness into your sex life (erotic hypnosis, breathing exercises, etc) can transform a regular Tuesday night into a spiritual, sexual, sensual evening of awakening…oh – and it can help you lasting longer.
According to GQ magazine, deep breathing during sex (breathing in for 8 seconds and out for 6) can help release a bit of the tension you’re feeling down there and delay your ejaculatory reflex. Not to mention breathing through orgasms makes things feel oh-so-good.
12. The power of exercise.
Kegel exercise, that is.
Men’s Health UK explains the results of two different studies: in one study, 75% of men improved erectile dysfunction after doing Kegels and in the other study, 61% of men were cured of premature ejaculation through kegel exercises.
If you aren’t familiar with Kegels, ask your wife or girlfriend – she will know! Kegel exercises are essentially a workout out of your PC (pubococcygeal) muscles. In other words, your pelvic floor muscles. If you’re interested, this is a great explainer piece on how to properly do kegel exercises.
13. A good meal makes all the difference.
Did you know what you eat impacts how long you can last in bed? HealthLine has a great article on what to do (and what kind of exercises to do) to increase sexual stamina – but I will outline a few here.
This is found in chili peppers, sweet peppers, and ginger root.
One of the body’s most important electrolytes can be found in bananas, cantaloupe, spinach, broccoli, and potatoes.
Simple carbs (bread and pasta, for example) are total stamina killers. Complex carbs, on the other hand, help give your body long-lasting energy. Complex carbs are things like oatmeal, yams, sweet potatoes, whole wheat bread, brown rice, quinoa, corn, and peas.
Protein is a great source of long-lasting energy because it takes your body longer to break it down than say typical carbs. Protein can be found in nuts, tofu, eggs, lean red meat, chicken, fish, and some dairy products (like yogurt and cheese).
Along with this list of food to eat, there are also specific nutrients men in particular need to build up sexual stamina, and these include things like L-citrulline (which can be found in watermelon, onions, and dark chocolate), L-arginine (which can be found in red meat, fish and whole grains) and Nitrates, which can be found in carrots, eggplant, celery, and arugula.
14. The “squeeze” technique people swear by.
Alright, hearing the word “squeeze” when it comes to your manhood might make you tense up a bit – but don’t worry, this doesn’t hurt at all.
According to HealthLine, how this works is that when the going gets good and you feel as though you’re about to cum, stop what you’re doing and squeeze the end of your penis (the area where the head meets the shaft). Your grip should be firm but not too firm (obviously) and the sensation of climax should roll past you so you can continue.